Dent in a Relationship? Here is Why.

Old relations are cherished, but they are fragile too. Ever wondered why some happy-go-lucky relationships suddenly crumble upon petty issues. This may include any relation-brother, sister, friends, neighbours, schoolmates, colleagues. In a simple defence, some may play a card of “misunderstanding” or “communication gap” to justify their failure in the relationship. But I have deduced some new perspective on this problem. You ask me one, I will give you five.

  1. Remember the old times, when…

You were a teenager and all you wanted was to be considered “cool” in your social group, or among your cousins. This was to make yourself noticeable.

You made some tight-knitted relationships with your schoolmates or cousins, you guys looked inseparable. You used to meet each other too often, share your silliest fantasies, show them your fears, sometimes absurd philosophies about life and its stuff. And you did that without judging each other. Sure, you had disagreements at that time as well but mostly over the topics like, which actor is better or fought over a new video game.

Childish, isn’t it? It may seem so but by then, it was all you had to worry. By adulthood, you have some polite additions in this list; different things start bothering you such as being not able to go on a foreign tour sucks or not having dinner outside once a week means you are miserable or not getting a suitable life partner after 30 means you are undesirable and more such instances. This botheration unconsciously increases manifolds when your childhood pals do not seem to worry about any of those instances, but you do.   

Did I hear you say, this assertion is absurd? Well, according to my silly understanding, these are some addressable issues in 2020. And in fact, these are some prominent reasons that may cause a dent, even in the strongest relationships. You do not admit it aloud, but deep, deep down, you know it has its effects. Believe me!

  • Listen to this…

I met my confidante who is now a suited-booted professional man. But I know him from a completely different era. Though I am proud of him, professionally but personally, he is still my best partner in fun.

During a funny conversation, I heard him saying phrases like, “we are not kids anymore” or “grow up now”. He did not like the old times jokes. I guess it is because he is “too respected” to laugh on the silly jokes coming from his childhood secret keeper. Even though his Instagram posts say, “be a kid at your heart” or “Age is just a number”?

You know why he was doing that!

Because I know him more than he knows himself. He has made a little perfect world of his own where he only wants those people to stay who have seen him in his best times. And now suddenly, there is no room for those who know his insecurities, fears, shortcomings, and embarrassing moments.

This is a case of many of us now. But trust me, you would need this old pal who can handle the child in you, without any misjudgments. Tides are not always high. You would need such “know-me-better” people who can understand what you are going through.

And also, stop being a hypocrite. When you can joke, others can. If you do not have an open mind to this, then just, back off and live in solitude. No! Seriously. 

  • Do not say it is a “Misunderstanding”

Misunderstanding is just a fancy word to cover up your insecurities. To top that, you add your false ego. “Sorry, I got carried away in a moment when I said those hurting words” could have saved your relationship. But you had some winning logics with you to not to say that.

 Well, congratulations! You have earned yourself a scarred relation.

What I think is, our childhood relations are too innocent to fall victim to our insecurities. It seems easy to blame and curse them for every bad happening in our lives because we know how that person would behave and to what extent. If the other person is forgiving or not too vocal about his feelings, it is all the way easier to rat out the problems of our lives on them and even blame them for our unhappiness. This gives birth to another personality trait – being self-centric.

  • The world is not always about “YOU”

Man’s Mind: “Why people do not talk about my struggle, every morning.”

I do not understand people’s obsession with proving their miseries being far greater than others. What kind of depressing society are we building where the person with greater miseries considers itself the winner of sympathy race?

As I have understood, this is because they are trying to tell the wrong bunch of people about the difficulties they are going through. And, because, oops! they have broken up with the people who would have understood them without even uttering a word.

  • All that glitters, is not gold

Not everybody in the present times is perfectly happy. With their Facebook profile, Instagram promotions it may look they have nothing to worry about, but there is at least one thing per person that is bothering them every minute of their life.

But the humans believe to live in a moment. They worry about the future but does not let it ruin their perfect outing with the family, at any level whatsoever. Hence, any comparison of your life with others will not help in strengthening the relationship bond.

Please, save your childhood relations

Situations are going to be worse in life. My suggestion is, identify the precious relations in your life and just cling to them, in worse or better. These relations always have a pinch of empathy, whether you need it or not. If you cannot keep a pace with your old relationships, then at least do not brutally destroy them, with your ego. After all, both sides have once put their heart and soul in building that connection.

2 thoughts on “Dent in a Relationship? Here is Why.

  1. To a large extent I do not disagree with your assessment of situations that can cause a dent in relationships. The difference/ addition in my opinion are listed below:
    1. Age is not just a number – though it sounds fashionable to say it is. When people cannot face the changes, they try to resist and in the bargain drag others down as well. This causes abrasion.
    2. The circle of association and engagement keeps increasing over time. But like in every scientific study, the outer circle has lesser energy compared to the inner ones. While its easier to travel in to out (natural process) from out to in requires a lot of energy to be added to reach the higher level. If someone is disappointed that they have to put in this additional effort, friction is bound to appear in relationships.
    3. Guilt that one is spending more time with one over other. (Example – spouse resents additional affection with anyone else – when this is obvious or recognized by the other partner, they feel a sense of guilt for not being able to give the due attention. This causes a kind of compromise, that will sooner or later either surface or avenged.
    There are more but let me rest my case….

    Like

    • Thank you for enhancing the article. I agree with each one the above, especially point number 2. Though socializing and greater engagement are positive terms, when they tend to widen the gap between old trustworthy relations, the spirit of positivity somehow gets compromised. I also understand that with time, we do want to explore the horizons and this definitely helps us in having a better understanding of right and wrong. But as I said, everything that glitters is not gold, so one has to be careful when it comes to gaining a new relation and losing the worthy one.

      Like

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